I am just 3 months shy of the big 3 O. And yes, I am single. For the last 2 years or so, this unmarried state of mine has defined my worth to a lot of people around me, so much so that it is how I started viewing my own worth. So when 2013 started, the year I would turn 30, I wondered, will this be how it will always be? Throughout my 20s I stopped myself from doing certain things, was conditioned to save myself from many things, just so that I could do those things in the acceptable confines of couplehood. But now I have started questioning myself, what if I am amongst the few who might not get to know what that is?

Now before any of you start telling me I am young and there is hope yet, let me tell you that it is this hope that has held me back so far. My resolution this year therefore is to be happy, no matter what. To try and find happiness on my own.

When you are young, no one tells you about the possibility of staying unmarried when you are 30. The cultural conditioning is study and get a job by 21-23, work hard a couple of years and by 25-26, settle down, get married. No one tells you what if that doesn’t happen. No one tells you that you may feel a certain sense of panic when you see everyone around you getting married. No one tells you about the anger that rushes into your system when some ‘well meaning’ person gives you marriage-dating advice or tells you that you are being too picky. No one tells you how painful logging on to Facebook and seeing all those photographs is going to be.

What has helped me on such days is a random search of blogs written by other real women. Women who may be 30 or older and single and how they have coped with it. Women who may not be single at 30 but are coping with various phases of being coupled. And so I thought, why not take inspiration from these women and track my own journey, so that maybe, some day some other girl may be able to see that it is not all so bad.

Advertisements