The ancient definition of single is someone who has never married at all. I fit that definition. However in the modern context, there are many definitions of both singleness and couplehood.

I will start with my particular state and then talk of others. I do have someone I have been seeing for sometime now. Yes he is there but there is no ring on my finger, we don’t live together and both of us haven’t met the other’s family. So what we have is sufficient to update a Facebook status to in a relationship, but that’s about it. We are pretty serious about each other but the future has not been outlined in the conventional terms and hence I consider myself single in the unmarried sense of the word.

You may then ask, why am I advocating this singles movement, if I do have someone however much in the background. I don’t know about you, but in my heart I feel if you live together like a family as a couple, then marriage is just a milestone and so even if you are unmarried you are living the life of wedded bliss. This I probably am saying from the envy that comes from never having even come close to anything like this 🙂 Yes, one reason of starting this blog is to get rid of some of those moments of negativity I face about not being wedded or even close to being wedded. Living in is not an option in my country and even if it were I am not sure I would risk my heart because living in without marriage may trigger anxiety in me. I admire those who are able to though. It shows a level of self confidence and trust in the other person.

Back to the topic though, single could also mean you were married once and aren’t anymore or you had a long term relationship where you raised a family but that relationship has ended now. You could be a mother, you could be a former live-in partner but in the present moment, it is just you. You could be a widow. Sometimes you are considered a spinster or single because you have passed the conventional marriage age in your culture.

The struggle in being single I feel is mainly with respect to a greater need to be loving and forgiving of yourself. You have to love yourself even when most people try to bring you down because of the absence of a ring on your finger. You have to look at the disappointment in your parents’ face when they contemplate your future and still soothe yourself. No one else is there to do any of this for you. Happiest day, saddest day, whatever kind of day, you may return to an empty home.

All of the above may make you think that its awful being single. It actually isn’t that bad. But I feel it would be a lot easier if people around you didn’t make your singleness, whether by choice or circumstance, a failure or character flaw of yours. Which is why the greater need for a single to just be strong and loving towards themselves. Its easier said than done on some days.

It is this need to celebrate myself no matter what, that made me start this blog. And as I browse through WordPress, I realise there are many smart, witty, successful women out there, single for their own reasons and connecting to others like me through this platform. The human concept of shame is such that you can inflict it on someone if you convince that person that he/she is alone. But with so many smart people writing on singleness, who can convince us that there is any shame to it?

So what kind of single are you, come on spill, now that there is no shame to it 🙂

Advertisements